Cossack Sandvich - Team Fortress 2

"Cossack Sandvich - Team Fortress 2"

Basic information
Rip link	YouTube
Playlist	Team Fortress 2 ()
Upload date	December 22, 2016
Event	"Snow halation" 6th Anniversary
Length	6:09
Ripper(s)	Marioshi
Releases
Album(s)	Now That's What I Call Quality! 2 ()
Track(s)	"Sandvich Halation"
Description
Music	Cossack Sandvich
Composer	Mike Morasky
Platform	PC, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360
I order you to read the channel description.

Cossack Sandvich - Team Fortress 2 is a high quality rip of "Cossack Sandvich" from Team Fortress 2.

Jokes

No elements of the advertised track appear at all.

Instead, the rip begins with "Snow halation" before being abruptly interrupted with the Heavy Weapons Guy, the Scout, and the Demoman, all represented with Sr Pelo's drawings from the "TF2 in a Shellnut" series, breaking through the thumbnail. The rip then segues into a short "smexual"-style skit involving the Heavy interrupting the Demoman and the Scout while they watch anime. At 0:35, Merasmus appears behind the three to teleport them to a frame of "Snow halation"'s music video at 1:13.

At 1:47, "Snow halation" plays once again, now with voice clips from the Heavy sentence-mixed to sing the vocals of the song, with the titular phrase changed into "Sandvich halation". Additional dialogue from the Scout and the Demoman are interspersed in-between.

The visual then takes on the usual format for character-dedicated "Snow halation" rips; μ's' stage panning down with animated snow as a featured character appears, this time a render of a BLU Heavy wearing the Grand Duchess cosmetic set (excluding the Fairy Wings), appears on the left. The Scout and Demoman heads appear at 3:02 to 3:08, then the Demoman appears again at 3:47 to 3:50. At 4:23, Merasmus appears once again. At 4:48, with a flash to white, the stage's lights turn yellow as a Sandvich appears on the Heavy's left hand and his mouth open. At 5:29 onwards, the Sandvich gradually fades out from the Heavy's hand, with him following suit at 5:39.

At the end of the video, additional Heavy voicelines are sentence-mixed to address the audience directly and say thanks for listening to the song.

A frame from the rip.

Another frame from the rip.

Transcript

To open the dropdown, click "Expand".

["Snow halation" plays as Heavy screams] [A sudden crash cracks the screen and stops "Snow halation"] Heavy: RAAAAH Scout and Demoman [joining Heavy's scream]: AAAAAHHH Demoman: What the fuck, Heavy?! We were watching anime, here! Heavy: I am angry! Who touch my Sandvich? Where is it?! Scout and Demoman: I don't know! Heavy: Give it to me, NOW! Scout: Yo, Heavy, we didn't eat your stupid sandwiches. We've been watching TV all day eating pancakes. Demoman: Yeah! Heavy [loudly, startling Scout]: Stop laughing at Heavy! Scout: Aw, crap. Demoman: It could have been anyone. A soulless monster. A bloody Spy. Or maybe a wizard like Meras- Merasmus [suddenly, with ominous music]: Did someone say MERASMUS?! It is Halloween, mortals! Scout: Uh, no! [Ominous music stops, an electric "short-circuit" sound plays] Merasmus: Wait, wait, what? Demoman: You're like a thousand years late, wizard. [Begins laughing] Merasmus [interrupting and surprising Demoman with a flash]: FOOLS! Merasmus: Never anger a magician- Heavy [talking over Merasmus]: Wizard coward! [Merasmus cackles] Heavy: Wizard coward should stop hiding Sandvich! Merasmus: -Will go badly for you- Heavy: NOW! Merasmus: All right! [Wheel of Fate sound plays] (Demoman: What is happening? Scout: It's happening! OH GOD, it's happening!!!) Merasmus: Welcome... to your DOOM! [Demoman, Scout, and Heavy scream and Merasmus cackles as they are pulled into a portal] Heavy [groggily opening his eyes]: Urgh. Heavy feel funny... Something is different... Heavy: AH! Heavy cannot believe eyes! I am dressed like little girl. Scout [laughing]: Look at you! ([As Scout laughs] Demoman: Oh, now would you look at that. Heavy: Oh, Heavy is drunk...) Demoman: You're so drunk you cannot even sing! Heavy: Do you wish for Heavy to sing? Wish granted. ["Snow halation" instrumental begins] (Demoman: What's this now? Scout: What the hell's going on?) (Demoman: Oh, that's magic. Scout: What?) Heavy: Heavy is made of sugar plums! Come, sing with me! Demoman and Scout: NO! Heavy: Then look at me! [Heavy begins singing] Fushigi da ne Ima no kimochi Sora kara futte kita mitai Tokubetsu na kisetsu no iro ga Tokimeki wo miseru yo Hajimete deatta toki kara Yokan ni sawagu kokoro no capture point Tomerarenai tomaranai come on! Todokete Setsunasa ni wa namae wo tsukeyou ka “Sandvich halation” Omoi ga kasanaru made matezu ni Kuyashii kedo suki tte junjou Binestu no naka Tameratte mo dame da ne Tobikomu yuuki ni sansei everyone, push cart! Demoman: What language is this? Scout: You gotta be kidding me. You mean you didn't understand that freaking anime we watched before? Demoman: No... Scout: What's the matter, you freaking stupid? Demoman [as he chases Scout off the screen]: Aye! Ha! Oto mo naku Kehai mo naku Shizuka ni unmei wa kawaru Kore kara no mirai ni mune no Kodou ga hayaku naru Tatoeba komatta toki ni wa Sugu kaketsukete dakishimetakute Doko ni ite mo doko demo (Demoman: Huh? What?) Charge me! (Demoman: What's this now?!) Isoide Itsu no ma ni ka ookiku narisugita "Medic emotion" Yume dake miteru you ja tsurai yo Koibito wa kimi tte iitai Yasashii me ga Tomadotteru iya da yo Kono mama ikki ni aijou Azukete [Merasmus laughs] Heavy: Little wizard baby wants Heavy to play hide and seek? Merasmus: Konichiwa! Do you like to speak Japanese, fool? Heavy: I love it! Merasmus: What? Who told you to do that? Heavy: Stupid wizard makes Heavy fairy-tale come to life! Merasmus: No! Heavy: Now, I will make my new Sandvich out of you! Merasmus [as he is transformed into a Sandvich] Nooooo! [The colors transition from blue to orange and Heavy holds the new Merasmus Sandvich] Todokete Setsunasa ni wa namae wo tsukeyou ka “Sandvich halation” Omoi ga kasanaru made matezu ni Kuyashii kedo suki tte junjou Binestu no naka Tameratte mo dame da ne Tobikomu yuuki ni sansei nom nom nom nom nom Heavy: Ah, so filling! Baloney perfect fuel for killing wizard cowards. Let us go! nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom Heavy:I am king of team! [laughs] Scout: Yo, did he just eat that wizard? Really? Demoman: Thankfully, I already don't remember this. Heavy: We are done. Now, little men, where is my other Sandvich?! [Demoman and Scout run away in fear, screaming] Heavy: What? Ha! Look at funny men running from princess! [short laugh] ["Merry Smissmas" appears above Heavy] Heavy [to the audience]: Thank you for listening to my song! Now, go, before I turn you into Sandvich! Ha, ha!

Trivia

• This rip is a full version of the "Snow halation" segment that appeared on "File Select Fusion", made by popular demand.
• The album and SoundCloud version of the track consists of only the "Snow halation" cover, without the additional dialogue, clocking in at 4:18. In addition, one of the Heavy's lines in this version is slightly altered; the "Baloney perfect fuel for killing wizard cowards" line has the word "wizard" changed to "tiny".