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"Eve the Dissenter (2nd Encounter) - Nathaniel Welchert's Christmas Adventure" is a high quality rip from a fictional game Nathaniel Welchert's Christmas Adventure.
Jokes
This is a poem that is quite critical on Nathaniel rips and fans of them. The poem actually parodies "A visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore. This is the 5th part for the fictional game.
Transcript
Click "expand" to show transcript. |
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Gather round children, 'tis time for a classic winter story.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the channel
One creature was stirring, his name: Nathaniel;
His shit rips were posted all over YouTube,
I hate Mr. Welchert, his rips can suck boobs.
The children were nestled, all snug in their beds,
But fucking Nathaniel rips stuck to their heads;
And mamma in her kerchief was ready to snap,
Nathaniel's face was just begging to get slapped,
When under the rip there arose such a clatter,
The fans have decided these rips really matter.
The comments were full with generic-ass trash,
They really just wanted to make a big splash.
And I was excited, I wanted to know
I needed more lore rips to enjoy the show,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
Another dumb rip from Nathaniel, that queer.
With the same shitty joke, and the same shitty trick,
Nathaniel kept wanking off his shitty dick,
More rapid than eagles his testicles came,
He got off every time someone sang his name;
"Nathaniel! Nathaniel! Nathaniel! Nathaniel! And Welchert!
Nathaniel! Welchert! Nathaniel!
To the top of YouTube! Let's make PewDiePie fall!
My rips are great! Super great! Download them all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the sub-box his videos flew,
And despite their banality, gathered up views.
And then in a twinkling I heard up above,
The SiIva fans constant professing of love,
As I saw the new rip, my mouse hovered around,
Then clicked it, and out came a terrible sound:
"Nathaniel Welchert! Natha--" Ah! Some bullshit!
One more crap rip and I'm having a fit!
Nathaniel Welchert rips are now back!
Fuck you man! Shove your shit rips up ya' crack!
His eyes—how they twinkled! His smirk was so shitty!
The first chance I get I'm twisting his titties!
He genuinely thought he had legions of fans,
He is not a beautiful, creative, or wonderful young man!
In fact, he looked ugly as he showed his grin,
I hope someone forcibly takes his foreskin.
Or maybe they could stick a knife in his belly,
And turn his intestinal fluids to jelly!
He's short and scummy, just like a damn elf,
Nathaniel Welchert should go kill himself!
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
I wish that Suneel-loving cuck-ass was dead.
He speaks many words, and does almost no work,
The real life Nathaniel Welchert is a jerk!
And as from his hand his third finger arose,
I realized Nathaniel Welchert fucking blows!
He said: "Weebs are gay and Japan fucking sucks!"
Was that a JoJo reference you Haltmann-loving cuck?
And I heard him exclaim, as he ran out of sight:
"Anime is for fags! And furries just ain't right!"
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History
This video was formerly in the Haltmann's Archives playlist. Like other non-Haltmann's Archives uploads, it was removed from the playlist on March 11, 2025.
Trivia
- Throughout the playlist, you can see that each thumbnail changes. This one, removing the background part of Nathaniel Welchert's picture and replacing the faceless Christmas tree with Wood Man's face. The speech balloon which was on the image's right side is now placed on the left side of the image. The "merry christmas" message has a different type of font, but still has the letter "s" separated with the word "christmas".
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